Y’know, spam just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Here’s one I got yesterday; I’ve obscured the top-level domain of the spammer’s URL to avoid promoting their site, but everything else is verbatim:

Subject: Long time
From: “Chris Reilly” <fexxsjlb@cncou.com>

Hi conceit,

I’ve just found the perfect oil to help during those in timate nights with your sign ificant other

bushwhack http://ovate.candrugs.###/x/s10/beneath.helix sixgun

I promise, anteater exact

Tina Pagan
baboon

“Hi conceit?” “Anteater exact?” “Tina Pagan, baboon?” Come to think of it, that last one does make sense; these spams are so nonsensical that they must be written by monkeys!

Two spams, which obviously are from the same source, taken from my junk mail folder tonight:

Subject: Don’t fall iinto the hype
From: “Kris Jimenez” <SOKMXDTI@yahoo.no>

Dear did,

You have been pre ap proved for a new Home 1oan at a 1ow F1xed Rat4.
This ooooffer is being ex. tended to you un condiiitionally and your creeeed1t is in no way a fact0r.

To take Advaaaantage of this opp ortun1ty

All we ask is that you vis1t at
http://aircraft.time-to-re-finance.###/1/index/bsh5/santo

Sincerely,

Mitch Newman
dome bogy

(more…)

Argh. I hope the next three differential equations tests go better than this first one that I took today. Because I did so badly… I haven’t even gotten the grade back, but I know I didn’t even get around to starting a few of the problems. I understood theoretically how each problem was to be solved; I just couldn’t remember how to do the integration quickly enough, and spent several minutes on each problem trying to figure it out, and by the time I’d used those minutes, I didn’t even have time to start on some of the problems.

And yes, I’ve been reviewing calculus notes quite a bit over the past week. Obviously I should’ve put in a lot more time reviewing or something. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure we were expected to remember some of these integration formulas in calculus class!

Argh, sometimes I wish my brain could do this math-type stuff faster; it’s not that I don’t know it, it’s just that I can’t recall it within the time limits of the test. I probably need to go to Student Support Services and get a time extension; it would definitely be helpful here.

Ah well; at least we’re allowed to drop our lowest test grade. I can only hope the remaining ones will go better; if nothing else, I’ll have had more practice!

If you haven’t noticed, I dislike Internet Explorer’s broken rendering of pages about as much as I dislike its lack of security.

Broken how, you ask? Well, here’s a collection of tests from HowToCreate.co.uk to demonstrate:

No, Internet Explorer did not handle it properly

Note to spammers: Check that the template you’re using doesn’t try to do something clever with the sender name you spoof. Otherwise… well… you end up looking like fools.

Subject: Degrees from an Established,Prestigious College – peruvian
From: University Newsletter <graji_furn@bumi.net.id>

So far, so good. Unfortunately, they failed to realize that that name would also be substituted into the message like this:

Hello,
My name is Professor University Newsletter

Here is a short message to tell you about an exciting new academic qualification program which is open to students worldwide.
Your hard work and experience is equal to valuable college credits, and if you are experienced enough we will award you with the degree that suits you the most.
If you are a qualified professional in your field. You have all the training, the knowledge and the life experience, and the only thing now you are lacking is the degree itself we can help you to gain the correct academic qualification to meet your life experience and put you in a better position in your professional career.

The degrees we award are non-accredited from an academic point of view, you will however be able to use them in your chosen career field.

For more information go to the following website
[URL deleted]

You will be able to leave all of your details so that one of our qualified registrars can call you back with a response to your evaluation.

Regards,
Professor University Newsletter

If you prefer not to receive such offers please go here:
[URL deleted]

Once again, I am not making this up:

Subject: Fwd: [Hopi] 61% off Vicodin. suspenses parenthetically
From: “Zubin Alden” <jordon.jarvis@gaoland.net>
To: “Barret Tranter” <cody@zone38.net>

[attached image containing the text “Lowest online price for Vicodin / Click here”]

Machine, open soft quick. Take room hot, held like, speak.
Invent is young people, begin. Plant, spell map. Wheel meat
quite. If told product long. End, very white do. Ice baby, fine,
tube same. Better knew mind can map.
—
Phone: 650-947-7843
Mobile: 929-311-8860
Email: jordon.jarvis@gaoland.net

…And they expect this to convince people to buy medications? O_o

(more…)

Once again, from the spam files:

Subject: The Ultimate Online Phermacy!
From: “Staint Lottie Ospital”

The actual advertising spiel in this spam was an attached image that was linked in the HTML file. Following the image was this rather incoherent paragraph, which seems to be a collection of random quotations scoured from around the ‘net:

(more…)